SquareOne – All over again.

It’s never easy starting all over again. Mistakes here and there, trying to do better and be better. Maybe I’m just better off being alone hopeless and helpless.

One after another, losing someone you love, losing your job. Technically losing everything but is it right to simply just give up and not getting up and try again?

What if I fail again, what if I tried and I’m not getting what I want to achieve. Do I keep doing it because that’s just how life is or do I drown myself in misery, sorrow and just give up. It’s a question most of us ask ourselves would be right to do this or would it be wrong.

I’m stuck in a dilemma between what’s right and what’s wrong. I’m in the middle like a patty being sandwiched. Standing strong in what I believe is one thing but where do I get that drive again, that motivation. Every time I move forward I keep pulling myself back, looking back, think so hard about what was wrong, what did I not do that isn’t right. It haunts me, it makes me feel small like I’m being belittle by my own mirror because of myself and maybe because of someone.

Would it be right to blame anyone but myself? I guess it’s never right to blame someone when I was the one that chose this path and I chose to be there. A part of me wishes I could pause, rewind and do what I could have done better and a part of me wished that I shouldn’t do that because that’s not the right way of life. If power as such were given it would probably cause even more mess than the current state of life.

The feeling is so fucked up, don’t mind my profanities. I couldn’t find a word to put up for what exactly I’m facing or I’m feeling as a human being living on this earth. Everyone faces this challenges in life and everyone have their ways of facing them. Probably with me writing it out would at least make me feel better as I try to connect to others and also myself.

I can never and will never understand the phase in life but all I could do is pray and put in a little effort bit my bit to make it better at least for myself. I’m a real trouble soul roaming around this earth. “kinda make me feel as if I’m an alien of some sort.”

There’s no conclusion to this but I hope I’ll get everything back on track again as the pain, the trouble this life of mine is giving me I believe would only make me a stronger person then I was yesterday.

Enough said, I shall end it here for tonight. Working on a little something. A gift I would never let go nor will I forget. Those fond and loving memories will live on no matter how much things may have changed.

I wish you all the best and hope you’ll stay as happy as you’ve always been.

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